i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize