guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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