if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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