Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
