Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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