he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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