I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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