Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
