it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
