She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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