Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Text me some of your sweat
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