apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
