I think my vagina is haunted
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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