you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
