i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's rum buckets o'clock
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
