Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
