Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
