I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
