Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
