I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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