My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
