just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
