he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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