so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sext me about skeletons
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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