Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
