well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
