nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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