so that wasnt chicken after all
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
