therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
