the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
