god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
