my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
