I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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