You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
