found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
