Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
time to smoke my breakfast
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
