I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
