i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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