I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
