I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
