And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
