I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Randomize
