dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
