Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
