She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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