dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
