i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
