This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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