Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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