i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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