mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
