she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
