I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
