How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
