Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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