i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
