i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
