Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
