dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
