Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
