why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
