I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
