he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
