I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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