Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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