im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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