So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
