Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
