That's when you crack a 10am beer
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
