we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
