Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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