She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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