She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
