she kept yelling 'call me bella'
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
