Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
