So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
