Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
