There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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