I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so that wasnt chicken after all
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
