SEEEEXXX PLEASE
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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