His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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