This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
